I'm Ending My Affair

Like any great affair, Nicholas and I have some serious issues. Yes, he makes my heart go pitter-patter. He makes me swoon and dream and believe that anything is possible – but he also makes me cry – a.l.o.t.

I’m not talking about the kind of crying because you’re just so happy. I’m referring to the type of crying that makes your chest hurt and your nose raw. You feel as if someone has punched you in the stomach and you find it hard to catch your breath. Anyone who has read more than two of my lover’s books should know exactly what I am talking about. There is always some underlying tragedy in each book! Someone dies, someone cheats, some one lies, someone’s heart is broken, someone fails, but maybe it’s just SOMEONE DIES!!!!

I start each new book with sense of excitement and dread. After reading every single novel he has ever written, I have started to look for the tale-tale signs of what’s going to happen. Did someone cough funny? Oh no – another cancer tragedy. Lines of communication breaking down between the lovers – ouch, here comes a horrible breakup.

I mean honestly!?! Nick – would it kill you to end a book with the simple phrase, “And they all lived happily ever after”?!?!? I love your books – I live for the romance. But most times I as turn the final page of the last chapter, I have an unsettling sense of dread. Yes, love is magical and conquers all – but death, betrayal, and loneliness can tear a person apart!

Just one time I thought I Mr. Sparks had given me my happy-ever-after. I read “True Believer” – one of my all-time favorites. The book ended exactly how I wanted – no huge tragedy, no life changing events. They got the happy ending! Until the sequel that is. By the second chapter of “At First Sight” I was miserable. Furious – even! I was so mad at Nicholas Sparks for the way he turned Jeremy & Lex’s love story upside down that I swore I would never read another Nicholas Sparks book again (too bad I can’t keep that promise!)

As I have written this mini series on my love affair with Nicholas Sparks and his books, it has helped me to realize how grateful I am for my real life love. Sure, my day-to-day life with Steven may not be as grandiose and earth shattering as words from “Dear John” or “The Notebook”, but it’s real. We certainly aren’t perfect and sometimes we fight more like brother and sister than love like soul mates, but he truly is the best part of my life. Our love shows passion in the smallest acts of kindness: allowing me to have the best bite of his burrito, letting me put my freezing cold feet against his legs to warm them at night, taking out the dogs at 7am on Saturday morning so I can sleep in, surprising me with a Coke icey after a long day at the office. Steven knows every detail of my life - my imperfections, my insecurities, my failures, my worst fears – and he loves me in spite of it all. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not always fairy-tale land around our house. But even when we hit a rough patch and we struggle to find the proper lines of communication, I still know in my soul that I will never leave him.

In the end, no matter how magnificent and earth-shattering my affair with Nicholas Sparks may be, I will always come back to Steven time and time again. He is the only man who can make me laugh no matter how bad it gets. He is the only man who will kiss me despite my awful morning breath each and every day. He is the only man I have ever known to be able to put up with my A-type, control freak, over zealous, need answers now personality (even though sometimes we both know it drives him crazy!) You can keep your books Nick. Our love may not be the stuff dreams are made of, but our love is everything that real life is made of – and for me, that’s all I need.