Monday, May 23, 2011

30 Days To A Better Me

It’s time to buck up ladies. Not you. Me.

After reading all your positive and uplifting comments on Friday, I felt somewhat ashamed of myself.

Tsunamis, tornados, Bin Laden is dead and Michael Scott left The Office. Real stuff is going on in the world people. And I’m crying about a bum knee.

Shame on me.

Sadly, I am pretty sure I have said those words on the blog before. Shame on me.

Anyone who has read my blog for a while can tell you, I may have a tendency to be a little self-involved. Perhaps a tad dramatic.

There’s an increasingly good chance that I may be bi-polar. If someone studied me they might hit the jackpot of all psychotic patients – because I’m serious a *hot Southern mess* over here.

One minute all is well in the world. I’m eating my TCBY on a date night with hubby and feeling immensely blessed and grateful for my life. Two days later I’m sobbing on my couch during the season finale of Grey’s Anatomy telling my husband that Meredith Grey and I both need to get our $#%& together like whoa.

Seriously somebody call Bravo……

It hit me this weekend that it’s time for me to buck up. Yes, the past year has been difficult. No, The 5-Year Plan According to Amber isn’t exactly going according to schedule.

But oh freaking well.

So it’s time to gain control. Control of what, I’m not so sure. My eating habits? My workout schedule? My physical therapy? My disaster of a house? This list could get pretty long…..

I’m taking the challenge. The “30 Days To A Better Me” challenge. No this isn’t a book or some hot internet challenge. It’s just something I’ve come up with to give me a goal over the next 30 days. I’m too much of a control freak and OCD to believe I can just “think happy thoughts” and suddenly this negative cloud will pass me by.

I’ve identified four main areas that I want to work on over the next 30 days. It’s not rocket science….this is pretty basic. But I truly believe if I can spend time each day addressing these four main areas, I will gain some much needed balance and perspective during this next month.

I won’t bore you with the details of my plan – but if it works, I’ll be sure to share.

All I know, is I can’t keep making excuses for myself. I can’t keep waiting for something extravagant to happen that will change my outlook. The truth is, I’m incredibly blessed and far too spoiled and self-absorbed.

That trend has to end.

So begins Day 1 of 30 Days To A Better Me.

Oh and I’m not stupid. I don’t expect to be a completely changed woman at the end of this 30 days with everything I could ever want from life. I do however, believe if I can focus on four small areas and see true growth and development in those areas I will find the strength and discipline I need to make a positive change in my attitude towards all of the challenges I have faced over the past year.

PS. Sorry for the melodrama around these parts lately. I know this may not be the rainbows and butterflies so many of us are accustomed to from our favorite bloggers; however, I’ve got to be real with myself. I need a reality check and blogging all these issues so openly forces me to address these issues head on – and that’s exactly what I need.

Friday, May 20, 2011

I Need To Get My $&^% Together

I’m not in a good place right now. For reasons that I can’t go into on the blog, the past year has been full of unexpected curve balls, surprise dramas and difficult decision after difficult decision.

I’ve had enough and I’m being a baby about it. One day in my memoirs I’ll provide full disclosure, but for the time being, I’m just going to be unreasonable and pout.

Notice how I haven’t been blogging? Yes, I am incredibly busy with the new job and don’t have a great deal of time, but if I’m honest that’s not the true reason for my absence.

Truth is – I don’t have anything good to say and I don’t have the energy to fake it.

I feel like I’m experiencing a quarter life crisis. I went full on Bethenney yesterday. (Anyone watch Bethenney Ever After? Bethenney Frankel - love her – but her meltdowns can be a bit much. I refer to these moments in my life as a “Bethenney” moment.)

So back to my Bethenney moment.

I was texting Steven about my issues with my knee. It’s still bothering me. I haven’t worked out in five weeks….that’s right five weeks. I rested the knee completely for two weeks and have now seen a physical therapist for the past three weeks. Per my PT’s orders I have not worn heels in four weeks….that’s right four weeks. I have spent over $300 on treatment for my knee and it’s getting worse……….

Steven and I signed up to run the Charlotte Metrodash with another couple from our gym on June 11th. I seriously doubt I will be able to compete. Steven keeps telling me to go see a doctor and get a cortisone shot and my knee will feel just fine for the race. He doesn’t seem to get that I actually feel a dull pain in my knee with every step that I take and the thought of running or jumping makes me want to cry.

And yesterday while sitting at my office…..I had enough….and the texting began……

After ten minutes of texting him about my research regarding techniques called scraping or augmented soft tissue mobilization or the possibility of seeing a chiropractor for possible relief the conversation ended with melodramatic tears streaming down my face and the following:

Me 1:30PM: I just don’t know what to do and I’m getting so frustrated.
Steven 1:31PM: Just relax and be patient.
Me 1:33PM: I’ve been $#%& patient for five weeks.
Steven 1:33PM: Ok
Me 1:33PM: I’m going to talk to Dr. Walker tonight and let him know I am not happy with this course of treatment. I’m going to ask him about scraping or other more intensive options that we can do.
Me 1:35PM: It’s getting worse. I know you think I’m exaggerating but I really cannot do anything on it and I have this constant dull pain.
Me 1:37PM: And now my left knee is bothering me and I think it’s because of the $*#!@ flat shoes I am wearing. I have never been able to wear flats. They hurt my feet.
Me 1:39PM : I can’t find flat shoes to fit me. I can’t wear heels. I keep spending money buying new shoes that are super ugly and even those $#@&! shoes hurt my feet which makes my knees hurt more. And I have spent $300 on PT that hasn’t done a #$^@& thing. I’m seriously worried all these flat shoes are making it worse. And I look super ugly walking around in flat shoes with ugly legs in the mean time.
Me 1:40PM : WHY THE #!@&$* AREN”T YOU RESPONDING TO ME?!?!?!?!

Somebody call Bravo…..I need my own reality show. Young, Fabulous & Needs To Be Sedated……

PS.  If someone sees my husband wandering the streets with a sign that says Will Work For New Wife please kindly send him home.  I promise to play nice from now on.....

Young, Fabulous, Newlywed

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