Friday Confessional

I have a lot to confess this week - so *no* judging!

I confess that I am so happy to be blogging "full time" again.  I feel like I'm back to the old me.  It's as if the fact that I have the time to blog regularly signals that I've finally gotten this crazy schedule under control and that makes me oh.so.happy!

I confess that I've got baby fever.  Yes, I want a baby.  Yes, I have a loving husband who will be an excellent father (honestly - he'll be a significantly better parent than me.)  Yes, we have supportive parents who cannot wait to be grandparents.  Yes I'm turning 26 in a month and hear my internal clock ticking.  But it's not the right time.  Oh how I wish it were. But it's not the right time.  I need to complete grad school and get my CPA cert - that's a two year process.  There are still things we want to do together before we commit to raising a child.  It's like my heart wants one thing and my brain knows it's not right.  I feel like for the first time in our lives Steven and I are making the responsible, well thought decision.  So we're sticking to it - my graduation present will hopefully be a baby.  Here's hoping these next two years fly by!

I confess that I bite my nails.  It's disgusting - but let me explain.  My nails look like this naturally.

I can bite my nails off down to the quick and in a matter of two weeks they will look like the above.  No special lotions, no meticulous regimen, no special nail polish - just super hard and long.  And I'm lazy.  Once they get to a certain length I need to trim them back because they interfere with my typing & workouts.  So I usually find myself mindlessly biting them off during a fit of anxiety.  I get stressed and realize that I need to take the time to sit down to clip & file my nails and the next thing I know - they are gone.  I have a feeling that moment is coming pretty soon.....

I confess that I'm a control freak.  Okay - so that's nothing new - but my controlling nature has hit an all time high.  Steven and I are keeping my little brother this weekend.  As a result, I'm probably not going to have time to do our biweekly grocery shopping (unless I take Ethan with me - which seems like a nightmare waiting to happen.)  Steven volunteered to do the grocery shopping for me.  Most wives would be thrilled - not me.  As soon as the suggestion escaped his mouth, my palms started to sweat and my heart began to race.  We are on a strict budget and I have an exact amount allotted every two weeks for groceries.  I have my grocery shopping down to an art form and I rarely go over budget.  Steven likes name brands - he swears by name brands.  I have this irrational fear that he's going to go shopping and come home having spent $100 more than allotted.  Apparently all these accusations were written all over my face because before I could even begin to object Steven said, "Amber - I'm a grown man. I can do the grocery shopping.  Just give me a list and I'll do it."  I could tell by his voice it was not up for discussion.

So I've made my list.  Umm...it may have the particular brand that I want him to buy - not just "mayo" but "Duke's Mayo" - not just "shredded cheese" but "Great Value shredded cheese".  And for items that I'm not exactly sure of the brand, I wrote a price beside them so he knows the range to stay within.  And at the top of the list in BIG BOLD letters I wrote the amount that he is allowed to spend.  He's gonna crap a brick when he sees this list.

But this is me trying to let go......

I confess that I skipped my 6am WOD (workout) this morning.  Again - allow me to explain.  Last night's workout was brutal.  A 20 minute AMRAP (As Many Reps As Possible) of 10 Push Presses, 10 Kettle bell Swings & 10 Box Jumps.  I did 10 rounds plus 12 reps - that's 110 push presses, 102 kettle bell swings & 100 box jump in twenty minutes.  And that was after a ten minute warm-up that consisted of 60 double unders (jump rope), 60 lunges, 10 push presses, 10 kettle bell swings & 10 box jumps.  And that was after my prewarm-up warm-up of 5 minutes on the jump rope & 300 sit ups!

By the time I got home last night - I could literally barely walk.  My calves have *never* burned like this before.  And when the alarm clock went off at 5am this morning (which was only 9 1/2 hours after my workout last night) I knew my legs couldn't take anymore.  Even though I know my body, in particular my legs, need a rest day today - I'm still pretty pissed at myself for skipping this morning's WOD.  I'm going to have to make this up on Sunday!


I confess that I'm happy it's Friday!!!

Hope you all have had a wonderful week and have an even better weekend!