Friday, May 20, 2011

I Need To Get My $&^% Together

I’m not in a good place right now. For reasons that I can’t go into on the blog, the past year has been full of unexpected curve balls, surprise dramas and difficult decision after difficult decision.


I’ve had enough and I’m being a baby about it. One day in my memoirs I’ll provide full disclosure, but for the time being, I’m just going to be unreasonable and pout.

Notice how I haven’t been blogging? Yes, I am incredibly busy with the new job and don’t have a great deal of time, but if I’m honest that’s not the true reason for my absence.

Truth is – I don’t have anything good to say and I don’t have the energy to fake it.

I feel like I’m experiencing a quarter life crisis. I went full on Bethenney yesterday. (Anyone watch Bethenney Ever After? Bethenney Frankel - love her – but her meltdowns can be a bit much. I refer to these moments in my life as a “Bethenney” moment.)

So back to my Bethenney moment.

I was texting Steven about my issues with my knee. It’s still bothering me. I haven’t worked out in five weeks….that’s right five weeks. I rested the knee completely for two weeks and have now seen a physical therapist for the past three weeks. Per my PT’s orders I have not worn heels in four weeks….that’s right four weeks. I have spent over $300 on treatment for my knee and it’s getting worse……….

Steven and I signed up to run the Charlotte Metrodash with another couple from our gym on June 11th. I seriously doubt I will be able to compete. Steven keeps telling me to go see a doctor and get a cortisone shot and my knee will feel just fine for the race. He doesn’t seem to get that I actually feel a dull pain in my knee with every step that I take and the thought of running or jumping makes me want to cry.

And yesterday while sitting at my office…..I had enough….and the texting began……

After ten minutes of texting him about my research regarding techniques called scraping or augmented soft tissue mobilization or the possibility of seeing a chiropractor for possible relief the conversation ended with melodramatic tears streaming down my face and the following:

Me 1:30PM: I just don’t know what to do and I’m getting so frustrated.
Steven 1:31PM: Just relax and be patient.
Me 1:33PM: I’ve been $#%& patient for five weeks.
Steven 1:33PM: Ok
Me 1:33PM: I’m going to talk to Dr. Walker tonight and let him know I am not happy with this course of treatment. I’m going to ask him about scraping or other more intensive options that we can do.
Me 1:35PM: It’s getting worse. I know you think I’m exaggerating but I really cannot do anything on it and I have this constant dull pain.
Me 1:37PM: And now my left knee is bothering me and I think it’s because of the $*#!@ flat shoes I am wearing. I have never been able to wear flats. They hurt my feet.
Me 1:39PM : I can’t find flat shoes to fit me. I can’t wear heels. I keep spending money buying new shoes that are super ugly and even those $#@&! shoes hurt my feet which makes my knees hurt more. And I have spent $300 on PT that hasn’t done a #$^@& thing. I’m seriously worried all these flat shoes are making it worse. And I look super ugly walking around in flat shoes with ugly legs in the mean time.
Me 1:40PM : WHY THE #!@&$* AREN”T YOU RESPONDING TO ME?!?!?!?!

Somebody call Bravo…..I need my own reality show. Young, Fabulous & Needs To Be Sedated……

PS.  If someone sees my husband wandering the streets with a sign that says Will Work For New Wife please kindly send him home.  I promise to play nice from now on.....

28 comments:

Megan said...

UGH. Now i feel bad for getting on your case :( But i seriously was hoping when you came back you'd say something like "during my absence i took a cruise around the entire world", not that it's been a rough few weeks :( I really hope everything gets better, especially your knee. I have not been able to run in over 7 years because of my knee(s), so I feel your pain. MUCH love!!! Enjoy your weekend and keep strong <3

Rissy said...

: (

My mom has been a runner since she was about 18. She's had arthroscopic surgery on each of her knees... actually 2 times on one. She is so frustrated with being unable to exercise, it even upsets me.

I think flat shoes are absolutely awful because they offer 0 support.

I know you vented to us and most people will give you good advice, but I just went ahead and complained extra on top of yours. Sorry : (

I really do love and miss your blog! I hope things work out soon hun. Im sure your husband is happy to be there to let you vent.

CarissaExplainsItAll

Miss Southern Vol said...

Ohhh you poor thing. I was wondering what was up but figured it was eeverything with the new job and your "life" stuff. I am soo sorry. I compeltely understand the frustration of pain and hurting like that- it gets you down beyond measure. I've delt with my shoulder since December, then the surgery and the frustration of PT now it really can get to you mentally and phyically. You know I'm always an email away if you need to talk :)

Tiffany said...

Girl I feel for you. I can't imagine what that pain feels like. Maybe your husband will understand one day! Just remember he is a man after all and they take some time to get it! Hope you get to feeling better soon!

Karli said...

I am sorry you're dealing with pain. That is never fun. Don't be so hard on yourself though! We all understand. We miss you but we get it. I hope you have a chat with your Dr. soon & are able to go down a different road of treatment to find relief.

Shalyn said...

:( Amber, I am so sorry girl. You have every right to be upset! I'm sure your husband just feels helpless and wants so badly for the pain to go away. When I complain to mine and he doesn't respond, he later tells me it's because he feels helpless and doesn't know what to say. I hope that things get better for you (THEY WILL! I PROMISE) but until then, don't worry about us. We will be here for you whenever you are ready! Miss you and your blog love! Keep your head up, stay positive, and I will be praying things get much better for you.

Xoxo.

NatleiLynn said...

If you need something to bring some positivity in your life...I think you could look at your 101 in 1001 and update it by marking quite a few off your list! :)

Neely said...

Sorry things have been rough girlie. I hope they get better soon

ty said...

Oh girl. I know this feeling. Think Hakuna Matata :)

Amanda Heady said...

I think we are going through similar things right now. I am really feeling for you. Sometimes men just don't understand. Hopefully things will turn around for you. Just try and take it day by day. Focus on positive moments. That's all the help I can give you.
TGIF!

Katie said...

You do need a vaca! So sorry chicky. Knee problems do suck..mine really bother me and I have a feeling I'm going to have major problems with them in the future. In regards to the texting...men: they should always know to respond extra quick when wifey is on rampage.

Laura said...

I'm so sorry things aren't going well right now sweetie. Just know I'm thinking about you- and if you ever need someone to talk to, you've got my email. We can even skype when I get back to Sweden :-) I had some horrible knee issues a couple years ago as well... I would seriously look into different options before you go doing anything invasive. Miss chatting with you girlie! lets catch up soon when u get a chance. xoxo

Jessica said...

I'm so sorry hun, sending you hugs and hope you feel better soon!!!

asj said...

I'm sorry love. It's no fun being overwhelmed, or underwhelmed or just angry... and I've been there with the crazy wife syndrome. It's amazing how easily we can take out our anger on the one person who supports us unconditionally? VERY easily. at least for me, my husband is a saint - just don't tell him I said that!

Jessa said...

Pain = Meltdown Worthy Have they even given you a slight answer as to what could be wrong with it? Even a CT scan or something? I'm sorry it still hurts, particularly after more then a month. My brother (studying to be a chiropractor) and SIL would really encourage trying that route; they even use it to help their kids get over sickness (weird!). Good luck!

Jessa said...

Pain = Meltdown Worthy Have they even given you a slight answer as to what could be wrong with it? Even a CT scan or something? I'm sorry it still hurts, particularly after more then a month. My brother (studying to be a chiropractor) and SIL would really encourage trying that route; they even use it to help their kids get over sickness (weird!). Good luck!

Mateya said...

Girl, you crack me up! Even in pain and frustration, you never lose your sense of humor...I love that!

I'm sorry you're having to deal with that right now...I know taking 5 weeks off is NOT what you want to be doing. What did the Dr. say about scraping? Have you had an MRI? My brother had something similar and he had his knee scoped and it's much better.

I hope you find some answers/relief soon!

I've missed you around here :)

Christina said...

I'm sorry Amber :( I'm sure it's incredibly frustrating dealing with the pain on top of other things going on. You're not alone in your texts though, it made me chuckle because it may be slightly familiar at times ;) I hope things turn around soon! I'll be thinking about you!

Good new is, it's Friday! So you have all weekend to enjoy life!

Samantha said...

I absolutely love your new blog design :)

Sonya said...

Sorry about your knees! That cannot be fun! My husband had knee surgeries as a teen and still deals with it. Not all the time, but I know it's no fun! I hope someone can find a way to get you some relief!

Tyly said...

I'm so sorry! I've definitely missed you, but I was hoping you'd come back with all kinds of amazing adventures! I'm so sorry your knee has been giving you so many problems. I know how much you enjoyed your workouts, and I can only imagine how much that's bothering you. I hope it all gets better very soon. MANY hugs your way!!! <3

Melissa said...

Hang in there, girl! Things will definitely begin looking up!

d.a.r. said...

I've been thinking about you a lot lately. Being a grown up is hard, huh?

I hope things settle down for you guys here soon. I have an emailing coming to you soon!!

Jordan said...

You poor thing! I know I don't know all the details, but I had a knee issue a couple years ago. We started spending tons of $ on PT (that didn't seem to do much.. they wanted me to do an MRI and possibly shots). I ended up stopping PT and the therapist gave me exercises to do at home. It was so frustrating. I couldn't work out and my hubby didn't get the pain, as I couldn't figure out what caused the pain. Eventually, it got better, but it was a slow annoying process. I hope you feel better soon, and I'll be praying for you (and for the hubs.. I know we can be tough on them sometimes).

Miss Cynthia said...

Oh dear you and I are walking a somewhat parallel street! Hope you get better and if I see your hubby Ill kindly send him back to you!

http://marriedfoodie-cynthiameza.blogspot.com/

Tori and Chad said...

Ha, I pretty much did the same thing to Chad yesterday... while crying in a bathroom stall at work.

Newlymeds said...

Thank you for being so honest and sharing your story. I hope you feel better!

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