Tuesday, September 20, 2011

To Baby Or Not To Baby

Is it just me, or is everybody pregnant these days? Maybe it's just my neck of the woods - all my friends and family. But I kid you not, I counted and fifteen of my friends and family are pregnant. I'm not talking about people that I sort of know. I'm talking about people I actually keep in touch with and know personally. I feel as though every time I turn around another friend is announcing her pregnancy.

And with my recent "comeback" I have been shocked at the number of tweets & emails I have received inquiring if I was pregnant.  Apparently many of you thought I took a little vacay from blogging due to an unannounced pregnancy.  Well I hate to disappoint you ladies - but this is not the case!


Steven and I have been married for over three years now. We were the first of all of our friends to get married. When we were engaged my girlfriends joked with my that I would start "popping out babies" immediately. I swore to all of them that I might have been the first to get married - but I would be one of the last to get pregnant. Turns out that is true. Most of my friends who are pregnant got married after me and they have beat me to it.

As you can imagine, this has lead my over analytical, type A, freak-out-about-everything self right into a tail spin. Over the past two months figuring out every detail of my soon-to-be pregnancy was of utmost important. I found myself googling words like Egg White Cervical Mucus & figuring out what an OPK was. I determined what month I want the baby to be born and calculated what month that meant I should conceive. And then came the horribly troubling thoughts - what if we have difficulty conceiving? What if my biological clock really is ticking and I wait too long and miss my opportunity to have a baby? What if I've waited too long and I am no longer able to get pregnant.

Why did I torture myself with all this panic & worry? I have no idea!

Before I found out everyone else was getting pregnant I didn't feel any deep urge to get pregnant. Of course I want a family someday, and I've known for about a year now that "someday" is quickly approaching - but I haven't been quite ready to start trying.

But suddenly I saw babies everywhere, and I wanted a baby.

A few weeks ago after discovering another pregnancy via Facebook I burst into the living room and screamed at Steven, "OMG. SoandSo is pregnant!! EVERYONE is pregnant but me!" Steven calmly replied, "Sweetie - do you really want a baby? Is that what you are ready for? Cause if so we can have a baby." I was on the verge of tears when I replied, "I don't think so. But you know me - I just don't want to be left out." To which Steven immediately burst into hysterical laughter and said, "There she is - my crazy wife!"

Which of course - I am crazy - but that's another topic entirely.

So I've decided to put the baby topic to rest for a few months. With recent job changes and other unnamed events, it seems like we could use a few more months to catch our breath and get a few things in order. I'm not saying this means we are going to start trying soon or that we are putting baby making on hold. I'm just taking a moment to realize that starting a family shouldn't be this stressful.

I'm so blessed to have the life that I do. I have loved being a newlywed with my husband. I really cherish the years we have had together - just the two of us. I hear so many women in their 40's with kids who say they wish they had waited a few more years and really enjoyed time alone with their husbands before starting a family. I don't want to look back on life and feel like I rushed into anything.

So for the time being, I'm focusing on loving my husband. Enjoying these moments because I am starting to realize that at some point in the near future we won't have the freedom and flexibility that we have now. I'm telling the control freak in my head to take it easy and allowing the carefree Amber (yes - she does exist - even if she rarely makes an appearance) to drive for a little while.

And until I have a baby of my own, I can always love on these cuties.
 

28 comments:

Jessica said...

Everyone I know is pregnant too! I had no intention of having kids this soon but God must have had another plan for me. We'll have our first baby before our 2nd anniversary... and I'm FREAKED out. Lol

ashley said...

It's true, EVERYONE is pregnant all of a sudden.

Don't rush into it...Lord knows that I love my son more than anything in the world, but enjoy your time together because once you throw a baby in the mix, life gets even more crazy!!

Katie said...

Ahhh! I've been feeling the same way. I was the first to be engaged/married and now the pressure to have babies is totally outta control. Just remember, it is a decision for you and your hubs to make... don't let anyone else (or their having babies) pressure you into it! It will be amazing when it finally happens.. and right for the two of you.

I'm so glad you're back to blogging! I loved (still do!) reading your blog!

xox!

Kelly said...

A lot of my friends are having babies (and we are pushing 40!) Sometimes I get the urge because I never wanted to have an "only child".

Having all those new babies around really does leave you wanting. It goes away quick..just visit the nearest daycare :) LOL

Katie said...

I feel the exact same way! I was one of the firsts to get married in my group and they all ask too. I don't mind it, but we are def. waiting a long time. Our little Rocky is a good baby for us right now, just as is your babies! :)

Meg O. said...

Seriously, everyone IS pregnant. Myself included (and I thought I would be the last one-- I guess God had different plans for us)! Just take your time and go for it when you're ready. BUT my biggest piece of advice is to not freak out and think you're not ready if it does happen.

Belle on Heels said...

fur babies are totally fine :)

Shalyn said...

Everyone is preggers...you're right! My whole facebook feed is allllll about babies and they were all married after me too so I completely relate! However, I want to wait for babies too. We want to enjoy each other for awhile longer before we bring a baby into the picture :) We can do this! WE CAN DO IT TOGETHER! ;)

Nikki said...

Dude I totally feel the same way! Everytime I turn around someone is telling me they are pregnant or someone just had their baby. Its crazy! Sometimes I feel like WAIT I wanna be in the cool kids club and have a baby to but then I realize we are not at that point where we are ready for babies yet.

Savannah said...

I feel like I could have written this exact post because I feel the SAME way! We were the first of our friends to marry and still trying to decide "when" a baby will be the right addition to our family. I too have checked due date calculators and worked backwards to determine a conception timeline. Why do we do this to ourselves?! :) Thanks for sharing your thoughts so that I know I'm not alone. Good luck!

Aly @ Analyze This said...

I am just not the drinking the water anywhere I go!! EVERYONE IS pregnant!!!!

I can't wait for the day you do announce that you are pregnant!!!

Melanie said...

Yes you are right..there have been alot of babies born this year! But what you said is VERY true..the time you spend with your husband before you have a child is important and a time you should enjoy as long as you want!! Yes..I just had a baby myself..but me and my hubby just celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary also. I'm glad I waited 10 years before having a baby!

Meghan said...

Thank you for this post! All of our closest friends either have kids or are pregnant and I feel the same way! We've been married almost three years and I've started to feel the pressure to have babies soon, but at the end of the day, we just aren't ready and that's okay! So glad you wrote this. It's exactly how I've been feeling lately.

Allison said...

Oh girl, it seems like so many people I know are pregnant or just had babies. Sometimes I want a baby more than anything and somedays I'm so thankful we can spend this time together.

Rebekah said...

Seriously, EVERYONE is pregnant. Haha, I love your freak out. :) We've been trying for a year and still waiting on God's timing!

Kathryn said...

I feel the same exact way. Glad so many other women do too apparently. And being the type A personality, I want everything to be ready and perfect before we even start trying.

Nicole said...

so I'm a couple years older than you, a couple years less married... but here's my two cents for what it's worth. A lot of people now days seem to get married for the wrong reason (and no i'm not saying you or me just in general...) and they start families immediately off the bat. They bring a kid into an awful relationship and then either stay there for the kids sake or get divorced which adds a whole new level of stress to a family. I know, I have a step-daughter although she was out of a girlfriend type relationship vs a married let's start early. Anyway... usually those who wait until the time is right (whatever that is) generally tend to make it vs those who rush right in and add the stress of newly married plus newly kided (lol). I'm not sure I make sense and don't worry, I freak out sometimes too b/c if and when I do have a kid, I'll be an "old" parent which breaks my heart for some reason. My parents were married 5 years before they had me, my mom told me they had all the kinks ironed out so they were ready for me :)

Jessa said...

Is there anyone who isn't pregnant? Okay, me. LOL Don't rush it and don't worry. All in due time.

Mrs in Training said...

I remember that feeling, and its definitely hard to be left out! Sounds like you have a fantastic husband and pups and the right plan, and everything will work out timing wise as it should :)

Mrs. Newlywed Giggles said...

I just went through the same thing! All of my bloggy friends are pregnan, except you!, and all of my friends who got married after me is pregnant too! I went through baby fever like nobody's business last month. But when we sat down and rationally talked about, I knew we weren't ready to have a baby just yet and that I have all the time in the world. So, in replace of that, we are actively looking for a puppy. LOL

Stephanie said...

Ooooh it'll happen when it's supposed to happen! Don't feel pressure to have kids just because everyone else is. I've always wanted kids but lately I keep asking myself "Will I ever REALLY be ready to be pregnant?!" It's a HUGE step! You'll know when it's your turn! :) & even if you don't, God will!

The Granberrys said...

I feel like I could have copied this post on my blog and signed it with my name! : )

Newlyweds on a Budget said...

I have no plans of getting pregnant any time soon, because I agree with you--I want to enjoy the time right now that my husband and I have to ourselves. I want to be selfish for a little while longer, I want to sleep in on the weekends, I want to drink a glass of wine and veg out on the couch without someone requiring my assistance.
For just a few more years, I want it to be just me and him.

Lauren said...

There is so much pressure to have a baby, everywhere! When you get married people just expect a baby to follow soon after! I think it should be when you and your husband are ready and know for 100% that is the next/right step!
:)

Taylor B. said...

OMG! 15 of my friends either announced that they were having babies or delivered babies last week. I had the same reaction as you...but I'm sticking with having a dog-child for the time being.

Emily said...

I love this post! I feel like I'm in the same boat. EVERYONE I know is prego or just popped out a baby recently. My husband and I have also been married for over 3 years and I was the first of my friends to get married, too! We're ready to have a baby but the time hasn't come for us yet.
Thanks for helping me to realize I'm not the only crazy typeA girl googling EVERYTHING pregnancy, lol!

A Nerd and A Free Spirit said...

EVERYONE IS PREGNANT. I HATE IT.

~kathryn

brown eyed girl said...

I agree, I could have written this post myself! I feel like everyone is pregnant, trying to get pregnant, or just had a baby.

But.

I do feel left out, and I also feel like people don't value the life of a working wife. I feel like there's a lot of competition between mama bloggers and they don't validate the lifestyle of a working wife, if that makes sense. I think that compounds my angst, because I get the sense that so many people are like "Whatevs, you are just a student and wife, my life is busier than yours. Wait til you become a mom."

And I think that loving on our fur babies is just the right thing, all in due time, then we'll have people babies!



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