Is it just me, or is everybody pregnant these days? Maybe it's just my neck of the woods - all my friends and family. But I kid you not, I counted and fifteen of my friends and family are pregnant. I'm not talking about people that I sort of know. I'm talking about people I actually keep in touch with and know personally. I feel as though every time I turn around another friend is announcing her pregnancy.
And with my recent "comeback" I have been shocked at the number of tweets & emails I have received inquiring if I was pregnant. Apparently many of you thought I took a little vacay from blogging due to an unannounced pregnancy. Well I hate to disappoint you ladies - but this is not the case!
Steven and I have been married for over three years now. We were the first of all of our friends to get married. When we were engaged my girlfriends joked with my that I would start "popping out babies" immediately. I swore to all of them that I might have been the first to get married - but I would be one of the last to get pregnant. Turns out that is true. Most of my friends who are pregnant got married after me and they have beat me to it.
As you can imagine, this has lead my over analytical, type A, freak-out-about-everything self right into a tail spin. Over the past two months figuring out every detail of my soon-to-be pregnancy was of utmost important. I found myself googling words like Egg White Cervical Mucus & figuring out what an OPK was. I determined what month I want the baby to be born and calculated what month that meant I should conceive. And then came the horribly troubling thoughts - what if we have difficulty conceiving? What if my biological clock really is ticking and I wait too long and miss my opportunity to have a baby? What if I've waited too long and I am no longer able to get pregnant.
Why did I torture myself with all this panic & worry? I have no idea!
Before I found out everyone else was getting pregnant I didn't feel any deep urge to get pregnant. Of course I want a family someday, and I've known for about a year now that "someday" is quickly approaching - but I haven't been quite ready to start trying.
But suddenly I saw babies everywhere, and I wanted a baby.
A few weeks ago after discovering another pregnancy via Facebook I burst into the living room and screamed at Steven, "OMG. SoandSo is pregnant!! EVERYONE is pregnant but me!" Steven calmly replied, "Sweetie - do you really want a baby? Is that what you are ready for? Cause if so we can have a baby." I was on the verge of tears when I replied, "I don't think so. But you know me - I just don't want to be left out." To which Steven immediately burst into hysterical laughter and said, "There she is - my crazy wife!"
Which of course - I am crazy - but that's another topic entirely.
So I've decided to put the baby topic to rest for a few months. With recent job changes and other unnamed events, it seems like we could use a few more months to catch our breath and get a few things in order. I'm not saying this means we are going to start trying soon or that we are putting baby making on hold. I'm just taking a moment to realize that starting a family shouldn't be this stressful.
I'm so blessed to have the life that I do. I have loved being a newlywed with my husband. I really cherish the years we have had together - just the two of us. I hear so many women in their 40's with kids who say they wish they had waited a few more years and really enjoyed time alone with their husbands before starting a family. I don't want to look back on life and feel like I rushed into anything.
So for the time being, I'm focusing on loving my husband. Enjoying these moments because I am starting to realize that at some point in the near future we won't have the freedom and flexibility that we have now. I'm telling the control freak in my head to take it easy and allowing the carefree Amber (yes - she does exist - even if she rarely makes an appearance) to drive for a little while.
And until I have a baby of my own, I can always love on these cuties.