Monday, April 5, 2010

Things I Hate About The Gym


As I stated last week, I recently joined “Team Kirstie” from Kirstie Alley’s Big Life and I’m on a mission to lose 15-20 pounds. More importantly, I’m on a mission to gain control of my eating habits and develop a healthy exercise routine.

As a result, I have been hitting the gym pretty hard the past week. For the most part, I actually enjoy working out. There are many things I can list that I like about working out. I love finishing a workout and being completely drenched in sweat – it makes me feel as if I have accomplished something. I relish the post workout endorphin high I get after a great spin class. I appreciate a super tough cardio class that requires all my energy to finish the full 55 minutes. I love the fact that I sleep better each night. You get it – there are many things I enjoy about working out and going to the gym.

But let me share with a few things that I *do not* like about the gym – particularly my suburban YMCA.

1. The picture perfect, size zero suburbanites who come to the gym at 7am wearing a full face of makeup, hair perfectly pinned sporting the most pitiful excuse for workout clothes I have ever seen in my life. I mean honestly – since when do super tiny sports bras and teeny tiny spandex bike shorts that barely cover your bottom qualify as appropriate clothing? I mean this is the YMCA for Pete’s sake! It’s a Christian, family centered facility. I know that you’re proud of perfectly sculpted butt and your super large chest (which BTW – no one believes those are real!) but there are children running around here – PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!

                                                               
2. The cell phone obsessed, always obnoxious teenage girls who also refuse to wear proper shorts and shirt. I get it – you’re in l-o-v-e with Trevor. He’s super hot. And even though you just saw him fifteen minutes ago, it’s incredibly difficult to be away from him. But does that mean that you have to chat with him on your cell phone while running on the treadmill next to me? It’s bad enough that your thighs are the size of my arms and you insist on rolling your Sofie shorts up at least five times so we all can see your rear – but must you also ruin my super sweet workout mix by chatting up all lovey-dovey style with Trevor? Put down the cell phone and focus on your run – he’s probably going to dump you for some equally obnoxious/scantily clothed girl next week. At least you’ll have your health.


3. The dumb as a rock, “my biceps are so big they take all the oxygen from my brain prohibiting proper mental stimulation” men. I don’t get it. I think it’s great that you take weight lifting seriously and work hard for sculpted abs and arms. But if your arms are bigger than my thighs (and I’ve got some pretty big thighs man) – then that’s just gross. Lay off the supplements and tanning beds. Once again, please, put on a proper t-shirt and gym shorts. No man should be caught in spandex shorts unless you are Lance Armstrong in the Tour de France. And no, I do not need you to show me how to lift some weights to optimize muscle growth and fat burning. If that’s your idea of a pickup line, you really need to spend more time outside of the gym. Creeper….

I mean really – is there no place sacred for chubby people? Can’t a girl show up to the gym in shorts and a t-shirt and feel comfortable? I’m at the gym because I’m self conscious and trying to make a change. The last thing I need is you making me feel worse about myself because somehow you find the time to spend an hour getting ready to go the gym and then two hours at the gym each day. I mean – who has that kind of time???

To any of my readers who are thin and go the gym often, please know I am more than likely not talking about you. I am not referring to women who wear fitted yoga pants or spandex sports tops. If I were 10-15 pounds lighter, I would wear “cute” workout clothes too. And there is nothing wrong with putting on a little lip gloss and maybe some mascara before heading to the gym each morning. But if you go to the gym wearing what most people would wear to the beach and you’ve got on just as much makeup as you would on Saturday night – then yes, I am talking about you. Please, oh please, for the love of chubby people everywhere – put on some clothes!!!



26 comments:

Sole Matters said...

you crack me up. i completely agree with your list!

Tamara Nicole said...

This is freakin hilarious, and oh so true! I think that happens at any gym, esp the meathead guys! Good for them, they are ripped and work hard, that's great. My issue is the loud grunting all the time, I feel uncomfortable hearing it!!! Lol

I feel your pain though girl! Keep it up and know it is everywhere there is a gym. I'm so glad at my gym they prohibit use of cell phones, thank goodness!

Anywho fab post, and keep it up:-) You're inspiring me to do more than my 3 x a week lil visits

Katie said...

loved. this. you are HILARIOUS my cute friend!!! i feel the SAME WAY and this is precisely the reason i quit going to 24 hr fitness, i.e. meat market, and signed up for an all-female gym. i LOVE it, the women are all real and are not half-naked and trying to pick up men whilst shakin what their momma most likely did NOT give them!

brittany said...

hahaha love this! "for the love of chubby people everywhere!" so true. :)

Heather Martin said...

I dont understand why anyone would put makeup on to go to the gym. Thats ridiculous!!!!!!!

Aly @ Analyze This said...

Hahaha! OMG, catching my breath from laughing so hard at this post!! You seriously nailed this post!! Bravo, Amber!!

Lindsey said...

I was talking to my friend Aly (@Analyze this) and she gave me the link to your blog - you are too funny girl! i can't wait to read more of your blog!
i completely agree with your list of the Y... its redic what people wear to work out!

Patriotic Princess said...

I COULDN'T AGREE MORE!!!!

Mateya said...

Haha this is hilarious! And I seriously stared at the picture of that huge guy for like 3 minutes thinking that HAD to be photoshopped! That's just wrong!

I totally agree with you about the make-up thing...I totally roll out of bed and throw my hair up...there is no make-up going on when I know I am just going to sweat it off...and who do I need to impress anyway?!

~*~Lilly~*~ said...

Don't forget about the full jewelry clad men & women & men who wear way to short & tightly inappropriate shorts too. I should not be able to directly see anything that resembles the package when your wearing shorts. lol

busygirlblog.com said...

LOVE your blog :)

Slumber Designs said...

I just got back from the gym and LOL when I read your post! You are hillarious... and it's all so true!

And what's up with the big muscled guys who do a few reps, walk around for 10 mintues, do a few more reps, walk around more and continue this for 3 hours??

Hillarious girl! You sure know how to write a post.

Laura@Cowboy Boots said...

haha that was hysterical
i think they purposely hire ppl like that at all our gyms to make us average ppl keep our membership and work harder!

that's ok...to the girls who wear the full makeup...they are clogging their pores and i bet have one heck of a break out often! ha ha

...::Mrs. Southern Bride::... said...

HA. Okay, I love this post. Because I agree with you 100%!!!!!

Alissa said...

Oh I so feel you on this! It's like are you really here to workout or just to show-off?

Chelsey said...

This might have been my favorite post yet! It definitely had me cracking up the most! Lol! Soooo true!

Ms. J said...

haha! SO true!!

Simply Me said...

new follower :)

Kelly said...

Aww, hang in there!! Just put in your earbuds and try to tune out the annoying people!

My biggest peeve are people who chat on their cell phones or talk during classes. UGGG!!! What can NOT wait until AFTER the gym?? Hah! ;-)

Katie said...

bahahaha I love it!!! Is there no place for chubby people? good list!

Ashleigh said...

HAHA! WORD @ all of the above. I hate it when girls wear skimpy clothes to the gym. It bugs. Meathead guys also bug me, but I have to be nice to them at the gym 'cause they're all friends with my husand! HAHA BUT he's not a meathead. Promise. Anyways, I'm a new follower just wanted to say hi and hey, good job for going!! I love going to the gym it's great stress relief :) Good luck with the weight loss, after I pop this baby out, maybe I'll have to join the Kirstie Alley club too!

Lisa said...

Amen!

I don't have a gym, but I sometimes go on a free pass with a friend, and it drives me NUTS to see what people think is appropriate to work out in!

Shelby said...

Haha... very true, I think some gyms are worse than others but yes, that is spot on! :P

Stacey said...

I agree completely! And you should have added about the guys who have to make all kinds of sounds when working out so everybody will look at them.
I am just waiting to leave the gym on that "high" - I seriously come home and am ready for a nap!
I am also waiting for the day that I don't look like I have cankles! I want to look cute in a skirt that comes just below my knee to go along with another pair of super cute shoes that I bought!

LauraAnn said...

AMEN!!!! Your list had me laughing out loud because it is so freaking true! I used to belong to Bally's and it was AWFUL going there to work out because of all the different people who fell into the descriptions in your list. I ended up canceling my membership because I dreaded going there so much.

Kristin said...

This made me laugh out loud! I can totally relate :-) Thanks so much for joining our Kindred Connection Party today! I think your link isn't working for some reason...maybe a typo? You might want to check and re link... I saw "Love and Respect" on your bookshelf. I'm actually going through this book with two friends of mine and we met today to talk about it. Good stuff, huh? So nice to meet you! I look forward to getting to know each other better... ~Kristin from Windy Poplars



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