Things I Hate About The Gym

As I stated last week, I recently joined “Team Kirstie” from Kirstie Alley’s Big Life and I’m on a mission to lose 15-20 pounds. More importantly, I’m on a mission to gain control of my eating habits and develop a healthy exercise routine.

As a result, I have been hitting the gym pretty hard the past week. For the most part, I actually enjoy working out. There are many things I can list that I like about working out. I love finishing a workout and being completely drenched in sweat – it makes me feel as if I have accomplished something. I relish the post workout endorphin high I get after a great spin class. I appreciate a super tough cardio class that requires all my energy to finish the full 55 minutes. I love the fact that I sleep better each night. You get it – there are many things I enjoy about working out and going to the gym.

But let me share with a few things that I *do not* like about the gym – particularly my suburban YMCA.

1. The picture perfect, size zero suburbanites who come to the gym at 7am wearing a full face of makeup, hair perfectly pinned sporting the most pitiful excuse for workout clothes I have ever seen in my life. I mean honestly – since when do super tiny sports bras and teeny tiny spandex bike shorts that barely cover your bottom qualify as appropriate clothing? I mean this is the YMCA for Pete’s sake! It’s a Christian, family centered facility. I know that you’re proud of perfectly sculpted butt and your super large chest (which BTW – no one believes those are real!) but there are children running around here – PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!

                                                               

2. The cell phone obsessed, always obnoxious teenage girls who also refuse to wear proper shorts and shirt. I get it – you’re in l-o-v-e with Trevor. He’s super hot. And even though you just saw him fifteen minutes ago, it’s incredibly difficult to be away from him. But does that mean that you have to chat with him on your cell phone while running on the treadmill next to me? It’s bad enough that your thighs are the size of my arms and you insist on rolling your Sofie shorts up at least five times so we all can see your rear – but must you also ruin my super sweet workout mix by chatting up all lovey-dovey style with Trevor? Put down the cell phone and focus on your run – he’s probably going to dump you for some equally obnoxious/scantily clothed girl next week. At least you’ll have your health.

3. The dumb as a rock, “my biceps are so big they take all the oxygen from my brain prohibiting proper mental stimulation” men. I don’t get it. I think it’s great that you take weight lifting seriously and work hard for sculpted abs and arms. But if your arms are bigger than my thighs (and I’ve got some pretty big thighs man) – then that’s just gross. Lay off the supplements and tanning beds. Once again, please, put on a proper t-shirt and gym shorts. No man should be caught in spandex shorts unless you are Lance Armstrong in the Tour de France. And no, I do not need you to show me how to lift some weights to optimize muscle growth and fat burning. If that’s your idea of a pickup line, you really need to spend more time outside of the gym. Creeper….

I mean really – is there no place sacred for chubby people? Can’t a girl show up to the gym in shorts and a t-shirt and feel comfortable? I’m at the gym because I’m self conscious and trying to make a change. The last thing I need is you making me feel worse about myself because somehow you find the time to spend an hour getting ready to go the gym and then two hours at the gym each day. I mean – who has that kind of time???

To any of my readers who are thin and go the gym often, please know I am more than likely not talking about you. I am not referring to women who wear fitted yoga pants or spandex sports tops. If I were 10-15 pounds lighter, I would wear “cute” workout clothes too. And there is nothing wrong with putting on a little lip gloss and maybe some mascara before heading to the gym each morning. But if you go to the gym wearing what most people would wear to the beach and you’ve got on just as much makeup as you would on Saturday night – then yes, I am talking about you. Please, oh please, for the love of chubby people everywhere – put on some clothes!!!