Wednesday, January 13, 2010

True Life: I'm a Klutz

As I was getting ready Monday morning, an old pair of super cute black pumps caught my attention. I haven’t worn them in a very long time and couldn’t remember for the life of me why I hadn’t worn them – they were so cute! So I threw them on and headed out the door, ready to start my week off right. As I completed the walk from my car to my office building, I quickly remembered why I hadn’t worn these shoes in over 2 years – I can’t walk in them! I mean seriously, they have *super* pointed toes and I trip almost constantly in them. I braced myself for what was sure to be a difficult day trying not to fall and settled into my work load.

At lunch, I completed a few errands and grabbed a coffee. As I absentmindedly walked back to the office, the most embarrassing event that has happened to me in quite a long time occurred. It all happened so quickly, but everything seemed to be moving in slow motion…

As I approached the entrance way, coffee and purse in hand, I noticed a group of men leaving the building – heading out the same door I was going into. I shuffled to the right to make room and tripped on my stupid shoes. I was lost in thought at the moment and completely caught off guard. Unable to gain my balance, I knew that I would plummet to unavoidable death, demise embarrassment. On my downward descent, I realized that not only was I going to bust my butt in front of this group of men, I was also going to take one of them down with me.

As my coffee flew from my hand and my body collided with the gentleman directly in front of me, I realized that my face was either going to land smack on the concrete or smack in this man’s crotch. Being the conservative married woman that I am, I opted for concrete. OUCH! Once we both hit the ground, I was laying face down across this poor man. His coworkers wore an expression of shock and humor. He on the other hand just looked like he was in pain. I jumped to my feet as quickly as possible and immediately began apologizing…”I’m so sorry! Please forgive me. It’s these shoes…it’s Monday…I’m so sorry…are you okay?” Thankfully he gave me a polite smile and a small laugh. “I’m fine – are you okay?” What did he mean by that you? This poor girl obviously has mental problems and can’t even stay on her own two feet…I feel too sorry for her to be angry that she just tackled me to the ground and almost bit my crotch! Something about the way he said “you” was humiliating and after one last quick apology I darted into the office building practically sprinting toward the elevator in hope of an escape.

I had barely made it three feet when I heard my victim shout, “Excuse me miss…I believe you dropped some…umm…personal items….” As I turned around, I saw him and his coworkers picking up my tampons, Midol & lip glosses. I trotted back and quickly took the items – I had this urge to make some crazy joke like, “Well at least I’m not pregnant – right?!?” But I said nothing…I’m pretty sure my brain wasn’t working at this point. I turned around and walked every so slowly back to my office. As if it wasn’t bad enough that I fell and took another person down with me – I had to give a show-and-tell to complete strangers letting them know that Aunt Flo was in town.

As I sat in the safety of my cubicle, rubbing my knee and trying to temper the ringing in my ears, I realized – this is the story of my life. I’m a klutz and I’m absentminded. No matter how hard I try, I will always fall at the most inopportune times and show up to church with lipstick on my teeth. I will always burn the crescent rolls and there is a slim chance that I will ever put away my Christmas ornaments without breaking one. I need to start writing these stories down – one day they might make me a lot of money!

So now that I have shared a most humiliating moment with you – I figure I will let you ask me anything. Anything you want to know about me, my life with hubby, just anything – feel free to ask. I will blog on Sunday with answers to any questions.

Happy Hump Day – do you best to stay on your feet!

19 comments:

Stacey said...

Yep - there went my mascara. And I was laughing so hard that I just had to print it out and share with the music guy here. I had only started laughing at the part when I knew you would take one of the men out. I had completely forgoten about what spilled out of your purse. So anyway I printed it out and started reading to him. Yes I am sure as I was saying tampons and midol that I was turning red. You didn't put in the comment about telling him that you really hoped you would see him again.

Now for the story of you falling down the stairs in your prom dress.

Laura@Cowboy Boots said...

awwwwwwww the things we do when we suffer for fashion. Thanks for the story and the giggle....
if it helps i'm a klutz too and passed it on to 2 of my 4 kids! :o)

Stephanie Hartman said...

Oh my!!! I would have been so embarressed thanks goodness your okay though I think it was halarious that you took a someone down with you hahaha.. Hope you have a Great rest of the week!

-Stephanie

Leesie said...

Amber you crack me up. Trust me you're not alone, I have my days believe me. This is something I would do in a heartbeat. As if the fall wasn't enough your purse had to go flying. Thanks for sharing with us all and having a sense of humor about it.

A Nerd and A Free Spirit said...

OMG that is awesome. WOW.I was just laughing a little too loudly in my office! ha ha ha. bravo.

Ams said...

Ohhhhhh that is terrible!!!!
Glad that you're okay though :)

Mrs P said...

Haha that was a great story, glad you can look back and semi-laugh about it (and realize you should compile your stories). I have a friend who LOVES falling, she thinks it's hilarious, as long as the person who fell is ok of course. She would LOVE this story, I may have to pass it on ;-)

I will be back with my question!

Ashley Carole said...

I love your humor about it. This happens to me often also! My favorite from this year is faceplanting while on the phone getting into a bus. However, my phone conversation did not miss a beat. :) This is why I try to wear flats as much as possible.

Mateya said...

That is too funny! Good for you for having the grace to pop right up...I probably would have laid there and bawled!

Katie F said...

Oh no you poor thing. It is pretty funny reading it but I can only imagine it was quite embarrassing. Hope your day got a little better after that!

Kelsey Claire said...

I love it! I am sorry for you though! I am also a fellow klutz. I busted it in the hall on picture day at work. The other teachers just stared at me. We are just cool and that is why people look at us funny!

Bryan and Chelsey's Moss Moments said...

Hey Amber! Thanks so much for your sweet comment! I'm so glad that you found my blog, and I can't wait to read yours!

Sorry about your fall, but don't feel bad. Read back a few posts on mine and you can read where I busted too! Can we say ouch?! Hope you're ok! :)

Bryan and Chelsey's Moss Moments said...

Nope! Hope you don't either! :)

Tiffany said...

thanks for sharing.

Just found you on 20SB! I am now a follower of your blog.

here is a link to my blog if you would like to read/follow.

My Blog

Ashley said...

Haha you crack me up, girl. And I can totally relate. I'm super klutzy too.

Classy in Philadelphia said...

Hahaha, awww! This post cracked me up. It so sounds like something I would do!

holler said...

OH MY GOSH! This is so horrifying!! The same thing happened to me at the top of the stairs going up to the computer lab at my school and I was mortified! I wasn't blogging then but I don't know if I would have had the composure to come clean about what happened to the internet. You are definitely not alone! So glad you posted this, and thanks for following mine :)

Annie said...

oh no!! i'm sorry but that is just way too funny...you poor thing...
it's okay to be klutzy ;) i trip up the stairs all the time and over my own feet constantly throughout the day.
i hope today is much better for you hun!! :)

Mrs. Potts said...

Oh my gosh - this is hilarious! I'm sorry that it happened to you - it is something that I could see totally happening to me, though!

Hope your week has been better. :)



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