Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I Don't Need Your Attitude....

This super cute plaque is a new addition to the desk at my office. (Shh…don’t tell hubby…I’m not supposed to be buying anything these days – but it was only $1 – that really doesn’t count, right?!?!) At first, I grabbed it because it was hot pink and I needed one tiny doo-dad to complete my desk. As I have been staring at the saying this week, I realize this kind of sums me up in one sentence.

You see, Steven claims that I am one of “those women” – you know, the kind that doesn’t play well with other women. I believe this is completely untrue. I play just fine with plenty of women! I truly believe that my closest female friends would consider me to be kind, compassionate, caring, giving, considerate – you know, all the things that make a friend a great friend. And to my general acquaintances, I believe I treat them just the same. I would say that I easily live 90% of my life as a happy-go-lucky, easy to get along with female.

I think the “problem” is that on the rare occasion that someone crosses me, I tend to become a little rude mean hot-headed sassy. I mean, if I am honest, I have been known to go off on the idiotic less than capable waiter or waitress who brings out the wrong food three or four times. I have also snatched a cell phone from a bratty little teenage girl who wouldn’t shut up during a movie. (In my defense I asked her very politely to get off the phone twice – and her mother really should have taught her better!) I also have heard many friends say, “I certainly wouldn’t want to piss you off” more times that I can count.

It isn’t that I enjoy confrontation, but I’m certainly not afraid of it. I can truly say that in my adult life I have not sought out drama. BTW – I consider my “adult life” to be the years after college – because well, I still had my immature moments in college – sorority girl and all. Is it wrong that I don’t back down from a challenge? I’m not afraid to stand up for myself, my family or my close friends. I especially don’t allow my family to be treated poorly – I’m very protective in that sense. If you want to see me really angry mess with my family – especially one of my siblings. Oh please…I dare you. Or you could threaten or speak badly about my marriage. Ask one of my old friends how well that went over for her. Notice how I said “old friends” – yeah, we don’t exactly speak anymore.

But does that really mean that I don’t play well with others? I mean, this phrase really says it all – don’t give me any attitude and I won’t give you any in return. I guess I’m asking the question, because I do not want to be one of “those” women. I’m not looking to be “one of the guys” and I certainly am not trying to prove anything. I don’t want to be the type of person that others find unapproachable or unlikeable. But does that mean that I should always be meek and unassertive? Do you think men struggle with this issue? How does one walk the fine line between confident and abrasive? Assertive and aggressive? Capable and condescending?

What does this little plaque on my desk really say about me. Is Steven right? I would like to think not, but perhaps I should reconsider.

18 comments:

Kelly said...

Men don't realize how some women are. Some women attract drama, because they like drama. If they don't have drama, they creat it!

In a work place when a women like that comes in, you have to stand your ground - she can be a cancer that kills the good atmosphere that is in place and make everyone miserable!

It's not that you don't play well, you set the boundries and expect others to respect those! I know exactly what you are talking about!

Khristi said...

Your ability to not back down from a challenge and stand up for yourself is one of your most admirable qualities, in my opinion. I wouldnt say you are one of 'those women', we know those women, and we dont like them.

And as one of your closet friends, you are one of the most kind and friendly woman I know. I love you, dont change a bit!

Another plus, your ability to confront those in the wrong or who are doing you wrong, combined with your amazing story telling abilities, is a true treasure, dont take that away from us. Love ya!

ty said...

There's such a balance that comes with strength and weakness. If you don't stand up for yourself, you know you should, but when you do, you're a bitch. There's no way to win.

Erica Jong wrote, "Because women's work is never done and is underpaid or unpaid or boring or repetitious and we're the first to get fired, and what we look like is more important than what we do, and if we get raped it's our fault, and if we get beaten we must have provoked it, and if we raise our voices we're nagging bitches, and if we enjoy sex we're nymphos, and if we don't we're frigid, and if we love women it's because we can't get a "real" man, and if we ask our doctor too many questions we're neurotic and/or pushy, and if we expect childcare we're selfish, and if we stand up for our rights we're aggressive and "unfeminine" and if we don't we're typical weak females, and if we want to get married we're out to trap a man, and if we don't we're unnatural …"

I much prefer to stand my ground. The people whose opinions I value know and love me for standing up for myself :)

Sorry for the long-ass comment!

Kelly Marie said...

I don't think that means you don't play well with others! I am the same way and I think it is a good character trait. It's not confrontational so much as it's honest and loyal. I also find it much easier to stand up for family and friends then myself, but I still do it. Do what you do, girl!

Mateya said...

Honestly, I actually wish I was more like you! I HATE confrontation and do everything in my power to avoid it at all costs!

I think that men think any strong woman is one of "those women." They think that we are all always out just looking for drama, which is sooo not the case! At least for most of us :)

Erika said...

You are an awesome friend and take no crap, which is a great attribute! You are my homegirl and stand up for what's right, so, in conclusion, Steven is wrong, which is 91.2% of the time.

Sole Matters said...

Um, if some people have said “I wouldn’t want to piss you off”, you might come across as bitchy, so adding that to your desk might not be the best idea? Just my opinion. :) I do think that you should stand up for yourself and people close to you though. I’m like you, Im not really scared of confrontation, but I don’t go around looking to pick fights. Im super laid back, and it takes a lot to get me mad, but once I am..watch out. Haha :)

oh and i think sometimes when guys are like that, they are viewed as an ahole.

Brittany said...

I've been out of the blogging loop for over a week and missed your bday! So sorry. Happy belated birthday to you!! I hope you had an awesome day :-)

I think that's a great sign. It just means you stand up for yourself and don't take anything from anyone.

Mrs.Vid said...

There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself. I am the exact person you just described in your post. Anyone that knows me knows that I'm not going to stand for someone treating me or anyone I care for poorly.

You're not being bitchy when you don't take crap off of others. I promise you that every time you stand up to someone who is in the wrong someone is looking on admiring the fact that you had the courage to say something.

d.a.r. said...

I think it is so unfair that strong and opinionated women who refuse to take crap from people are labeled as bitchy or having "attitudes". Men can do it without taking flak, why can't we??

Jenn said...

First-I think it is awesome that you stand up for yourself!
Second- I just laughed so loudly about the cell phone in the theater! I would have died seeing that happen!! I bet she thinks twice about talking on her phone during a movie again LOL

Alissa said...

I think it's good to defend yourself. Sometimes you have to. You can't let people take advantage of you. I'm pretty easy going, and it takes a lot to get on my bad side, but when it's necessary I speak up.

Ashley said...

I love that plaque!

Brittany Ann said...

I wish I was more like that! That stuff bothers me too! But I wish I had the nerve to be more confrontational! I want to do all those things just like you!

Tori and Chad said...

How did you know Chad and I had this exact same discussion on Saturday night?! I'm not a bitch - unless it's warranted. And in my professional opinion, you should always be weary of girls that "don't like girls" because those are the ones with a million miles of drama. Seriously. Think about it. Girls who like girls, are the kinda girls that are best friends for life. And for the record, you aren't one of "those" women. It takes a very open and honest and caring woman to be able to blog and be honest and "those" women don't cut it.

Annie said...

I think it's important to be assertive and stand up for yourself and those you care about, but I think Jesus wants us to demonstrate love, and sometimes that means backing down when we would rather confront or when it's more in our nature to confront.

Please don't misunderstand: I think the fact that you stand up so strongly for your family, your marriage, and yourself speak positively to how much you love and respect them. And you simply expect the same of others. I don't think that's wrong; in fact, I wish I were better about confronting when I'm wronged. But I do have to say there are times when Jesus tell us to let those things go regardless of how much we believe it's in our best interests to do otherwise.

Shayla said...

I can COMPLETELY relate to this post. I have an issue with my fiance's sister/mother because i was unfairly judged and treated rudely when we first met. I am extremely assertive with people (even if im dating their brother) and I have had to prove her wrong and get her to shut it on more than one occasion (we gradauted high school together...yuck!) and so she thinks im "fake" because I am kind sweet caring to everyone in the world except her!!! but im not fake....she's just aggravating!!!!!!

Shayla said...

Also, at my brother's junior high school talent show i scolded a group of 5 ninth grade girls in the back of the room that were dancing and laughing louder than the performers. One of the things I told them was,

"you're not being cute you're being rude. no one's here to see yall act ridiculous, these parents are here to support their children so either sit down and shut it or leave!"

I was rather aggressive with them. Two of the girls left the other three stayed and did not say a peep!!!

After I was done griping at them some people applauded me and I got compliments the rest of the evening even in the parking lot people kept thanking me



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