This week has been a challenging week of reflection and dealing my "demons". Monday was tough. At one point during the day I actually contemplated lying on the floor and kicking and screaming like a child. "It's not fair. Why us? What did we do to deserve this? Why do bad people have good things happen to them and good people have bad things happen to them?" You know...the five-year-old temper tantrum - I was there.
Over the course of this week, the Lord has truly spoken to my heart. Tuesday night I opened the Bible and just said, "Speak to me." The pages turned and finally settled on Psalm 62 - the title said, "Trust in God Alone." Okay Lord, I'm listening.
1 My soul waits in silence for God only; From Him is my salvation.
2 He only is my rock and my salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken.
3 How long will you assail a man, That you may murder him, all of you,
Like a leaning wall, like a tottering fence?
4 They have counseled only to thrust him down from his high position;
They delight in falsehood; They bless with their mouth, But inwardly they curse. Selah.
5 My soul, wait in silence for God only, For my hope is from Him.
6 He only is my rock and my salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
7 On God my salvation and my glory rest; The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
8 Trust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah.
9 Men of low degree are only vanity and men of rank are a lie; In the balances they go up; They are together lighter than breath.
10 Do not trust in oppression. And do not vainly hope in robbery;
If riches increase, do not set your heart upon them.
11 Once God has spoken; Twice I have heard this: That power belongs to God;
12 And lovingkindness is Yours, O Lord, For You recompense a man according to his work.The Lord also placed upon my heart Matthew 6:25-34 where Jesus compels us not to worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. That if God takes care of the birds and the grass, imagine how much greater his love and kindess is for His children.
I'm learning that it is not always easy to have faith. Sure, it's easy to tell you friends and family, "Have faith. Keep your head up. I'm praying for you!" But when you are the person living the trial, walking through the valley - well, faith takes on an entirely new meaning.
Faith is no longer a noun - a comforting word or thought that we all claim in order to make ourselves feel better about life. Faith becomes a verb - an action, a choice to believe that while you may not understand His timing or His purpose, that God's will is pure and perfect. And honestly, sometimes it is far easier to talk about faith than to practice it.
Despite the difficulties, despite the uncertainties, despite my anxiety, I choose to have faith. Just like I chose to remember the best times of marriage, I choose to remember the times that God has provided for me and to believe that He will do the same again. I believe that He wants to bless me and my family, and I believe in His power in my life.
I know that many of you have commented on my posts the past few weeks and mentioned you are going through struggles of your own. I'm not certain of the trials and valleys that you walk through in your own life. I'm certainly not a pastor or a counselor to guide you through your uncertainties. I just want to encourage you, that you are not alone. This life is ultimately not ours to control. I know how difficult it can be to lay your head down at night and simply say, "I will rest easy in Your love tonight, Lord." But believe me, it is the best place to be.
Thanks for the kind words of encouragement and support over the past few weeks - it's amazing how words from complete strangers can brighten my day and keep my heart focused on the true Hope for my life.
I hope you're having a fabulous Friday wherever you may be!