I’m not a tough girl. I’m not an athletic girl. I’m not one of those girls who plays hard with the boys, spits, grunts, endures pain. I’m just not. I wish I were tough. I wish I could hang with the boys. But you know what they say….wish in one hand…
CrossFit is tough. Super tough. Especially for someone who is as out of shape as I am. You are expected to lift weights. You are expected to do real pushups (on your knees is not allowed). You squat, lift, run, sweat, and push yourself harder and faster than you ever have in your life. And if you aren’t doing that – then you aren’t doing CrossFit properly.
I am about a week and a half into my new CrossFit regimen. As of last night, I have completed 7 CrossFit workouts. And up until last night, I was managing okay. A little uncomfortable and apprehensive, but getting through the workouts well enough to want to go back the next day.
Until last night that is. Last night I had my first run-in with Coach A. I broke a CrossFit rule and he called me out on it – in front of the class (thankfully only four people.) I asked him the order of the workout for the night – to which he yelled, “PEOPLE!!! Read the board!! The workouts are posted on the board each day – I’m not your babysitter! If you keep this up it’s extra rounds!”
I blushed and felt my throat tighten. He was right – the workout was written on the board plain as day. 30 sit-ups then 30 kettle bell swings. 5 rounds.
As if it wasn’t bad enough that Coach scolded me, my workout was terrible. I couldn’t complete the 150 sit-ups without having the use my arms to assist me in pulling all the way up. That 8kg kettle bell felt like a 150 pounds by the time I completed my fifth round of 30. After a 13 minute and 26 second workout, I was a broken woman.
On my way home I called Steven and surprisingly burst into tears as I recapped my workout. I knew it was silly to be so emotional, but I couldn’t help it. I could tell that Steven was a little caught off guard as he tried to console me – even offering to switch gyms if I felt too uncomfortable to deal with harsh realities of being a CrossFitter.
I told him I was fine - just being a baby and promised to pull myself together before I got home. But I was so dissapointed in my poor performance and inability to even do sit-ups correctly. I just kept crying.
And out of nowhere a voice inside my head screamed “There are no tears in CrossFit!”
It hit me like a ton of bricks. My own laziness and lack of discipline are the reasons for my inability to perform these workouts. For over a year I have eaten whatever I wanted and worked out haphazardly without any sense of discipline or self control. I only have myself to blame for looking and feeling this way. And only I can do something about it.
It’s not going to be easy – it’s not supposed to be easy. If it were easy to be healthy and fit then almost 64% of Americans would not be overweight.
I am hell bent on losing this weight. More than losing the weight, I’m hell bent on changing my lifestyle. I’ve said it before (you’ve read it on my blog all year!) But this is it. No more tears. No more excuses. I’m going to channel my anxiety and apprehension into motivation to prove Coach A wrong. I can do this. It might take me months to do a push-up correctly and even longer to learn how to do pull-ups – but I won’t quit until I reach my goals. I’m paying a pretty hefty membership fee each month and I’m putting in even more time and effort into these workouts. I’m determined to get these results.