I’m not a tough girl. I’m not an athletic girl. I’m not one of those girls who plays hard with the boys, spits, grunts, endures pain. I’m just not. I wish I were tough. I wish I could hang with the boys. But you know what they say….wish in one hand…
CrossFit is tough. Super tough. Especially for someone who is as out of shape as I am. You are expected to lift weights. You are expected to do real pushups (on your knees is not allowed). You squat, lift, run, sweat, and push yourself harder and faster than you ever have in your life. And if you aren’t doing that – then you aren’t doing CrossFit properly.
I am about a week and a half into my new CrossFit regimen. As of last night, I have completed 7 CrossFit workouts. And up until last night, I was managing okay. A little uncomfortable and apprehensive, but getting through the workouts well enough to want to go back the next day.
Until last night that is. Last night I had my first run-in with Coach A. I broke a CrossFit rule and he called me out on it – in front of the class (thankfully only four people.) I asked him the order of the workout for the night – to which he yelled, “PEOPLE!!! Read the board!! The workouts are posted on the board each day – I’m not your babysitter! If you keep this up it’s extra rounds!”
I blushed and felt my throat tighten. He was right – the workout was written on the board plain as day. 30 sit-ups then 30 kettle bell swings. 5 rounds.
As if it wasn’t bad enough that Coach scolded me, my workout was terrible. I couldn’t complete the 150 sit-ups without having the use my arms to assist me in pulling all the way up. That 8kg kettle bell felt like a 150 pounds by the time I completed my fifth round of 30. After a 13 minute and 26 second workout, I was a broken woman.
On my way home I called Steven and surprisingly burst into tears as I recapped my workout. I knew it was silly to be so emotional, but I couldn’t help it. I could tell that Steven was a little caught off guard as he tried to console me – even offering to switch gyms if I felt too uncomfortable to deal with harsh realities of being a CrossFitter.
I told him I was fine - just being a baby and promised to pull myself together before I got home. But I was so dissapointed in my poor performance and inability to even do sit-ups correctly. I just kept crying.
And out of nowhere a voice inside my head screamed “There are no tears in CrossFit!”
It hit me like a ton of bricks. My own laziness and lack of discipline are the reasons for my inability to perform these workouts. For over a year I have eaten whatever I wanted and worked out haphazardly without any sense of discipline or self control. I only have myself to blame for looking and feeling this way. And only I can do something about it.
It’s not going to be easy – it’s not supposed to be easy. If it were easy to be healthy and fit then almost 64% of Americans would not be overweight.
I am hell bent on losing this weight. More than losing the weight, I’m hell bent on changing my lifestyle. I’ve said it before (you’ve read it on my blog all year!) But this is it. No more tears. No more excuses. I’m going to channel my anxiety and apprehension into motivation to prove Coach A wrong. I can do this. It might take me months to do a push-up correctly and even longer to learn how to do pull-ups – but I won’t quit until I reach my goals. I’m paying a pretty hefty membership fee each month and I’m putting in even more time and effort into these workouts. I’m determined to get these results.
5 years ago
30 comments:
Good for you!! You're absolutely right, you CAN do this! You're very inspirational....and motivating!
You got this. I've cried after many a workout. I think it's physical exhaustion meeting emotional hell. But it's such a good cry, and it lets you know you're getting your ass kicked. It makes you feel strong to know that you can do something over and over, even though it makes you cry.
Wow! So excited that you have gotten yourself to that point! Sometimes it takes being broken down and shedding some tears! good luck with crossfit -- can't wait to hear your success stories =)
You go, girl! That's the right attitude! Push through it and you'll start seeing results, which will fuel you all the way to your goal!
Aww. I am so in the same boat. I'm not an athlete... The only thing that kept me fit in school was cheerleading. Now I have to work for it, ESPECIALLY since I had a baby. But it's hard. I have never ran before but I'm about halfway through the Couch to 5K program now. A couple weeks ago I broke down on a run, crying and I didn't finish. But I came home and wrote a little personal journal entry and I felt much better. I don't know exactly why I feel so motivated finally but I am and I'm not giving up, no matter how long it takes I'm the only one that can do this. Keep it up hun and I wish I could go to CrossFit with you... sounds like pure torture but my muffintop could totally use some torturing!
xx
My husband does crossfit and I have judged a few competitions and they are tough! I would love to do it because of the results I've seen but the university gym he goes to has such inconvenient times (and I broke my elbow three months ago and my arm is still wimpy).
I know it is still hard for him at times but he has lost around 50 pounds and looks better than he did as a 19 year old! Just remember - you can do anything for 30 minutes...Keep it up! Crossfit ladies are amazing!
YOU GO GIRL!
Oh my did I need to hear this today! I just had my own little pity party last night - tears and all - about my own lack of discipline. You are so right! I got myself into this, and if I want to get out, it will take major discipline!
Good luck with CrossFit! I have several friends that do it and they look amazing!!
Good luck!! Stay positive and proud of yourself that you are making the effort! You can do it, as long as you believe in yourself and want it.
You go girl :) i wrote you an email...
I am sorry that it's so tough! I don't even think I could attemp to try it... I'm not that out of shape.. but I am definitely not a runner. Someone would be calling 911 if I had to run for more than 5 minutes. Seriously.... It's sad.
Yey! Good for you! Want to add in a little extra work out for me ;). I'm lazy! haha
Wow! Way to take something negative and turn it into the uber positive! You're awesome and you're going to do great!
I just came across your blog, and I love it! Keep it up in CrossFit. I actually don't know much about it, but I just finished a 4 week bootcamp which totally kicked my butt into shape. It feels phenomenal after you are done! Looks like you have a lot of blog readers to motivate you too!
-Erica
http://einthea.blogspot.com
You can definitely do this and you will! I know it's hard to see right now but it will get easier! Don't worry about crying, I would have too I'm sure! Sometimes that's all you need!
You can do this, and you will. You are strong willed and motivated. Don't take this the wrong way...but according to my brother (who studied sports fitness in college) women are supposed to and should do pushups on our knees. Men carry their weight evenly and have broader shoulders so the straight push up is great for them. We have (clearing throat) wider hips, for child bearing so our weight is not spread out evenly, as a matter of fact most women carry the majority of their weight (and excess fat) around their hips. ... Therefore if we do the push up straight - and our hips are larger than they should be...it causes unnecessary strain on the lower back. Think about it...it makes since
Wow Amber!! That sounds so hard. You are so strong and awesome for even getting out there, starting this and doing 7 workouts so far!!!! You are an inspiration to me because I am a HUGE baby and would probably have cried after the first workout. If you can get that far, you can absolutely positively finish this! You have us for accountability! :D
Wooohoo! You go girl! I have no doubt that you are going to achieve great results with Crossfit! You have such a great attitude and I know how badly you want this! I can't wait to see the outcome!
Kelly- I've never heard that about push ups before. What I *have* heard is that you can't do a real push up unless you have the core strength to do so (if you have a strong core, you will relieve any pressure on the lower back that you're speaking of). Building my core has made me go from doing 1-2 push ups in a row, to over 20.
Amber- This post was SO inspirational! Just keep in mind that we ALL have days like this! After having CF for over 1.5 years, I *still* have days like this. Days where I forget the order of the WOD & my coach yells at me to get my head in the right place. Days where my WOD time just stinks. Days where I break down and cry, and manage to cry my way through the workout, whether it's due to pain, frustration, embarrassment. But honestly? No one will ever look down on you, as long as you give it everything you have and don't give up. THAT is what makes someone truly CrossFit--their heart & drive.
And as time goes on, you will gain the mental strength to push through almost any workout, no matter how frustrated you feel.
I'm proud of you, girl!
I would have been crying right there with you! and yes you can do it!!!
GIRL! You have inspired ME! That sounds like ONE HECK of a work out and I think you are really doing so wonderfully at it! I commend you! Sometimes hard things really can wear at us... but I guess we can always say "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger!!!" Keep on trucking! You're awesome!!
Love, love, LOVE this post! If I had $1 for every time I had one of these meltdown moments, I'd be one rich mama! Sometimes, moments like these are exactly what we need though... sort of that slap of reality/kick in the booty to remind ourselves that the only person keeping us from our goals is, well, ourselves. I'm not quite back in to weights yet (...although the p90x box is sitting on the counter just waiting to be opened. Yikes!), but I've picked back up running the past few months (which has caused quite a few meltdowns of its own...). I posted about this a couple weeks ago, but I've found that with running (and really any personal challenge), it's not about beating other people or achieving some superhero figure, or anything of the sort. It's about overcoming that little voice in the back of your head that tells you to quit, to take a short cut, or that it's just not worth it anymore. It is. It SO is!! Congratulations on staying strong! You're going to be so proud of your amazing accomplishments in the end! :)
Good for you!
And don't worry! Exercise releases endorphins, and sometimes, that can actually cause people to unexplain-ably cry during or after exercise! It's literally like a hormonal release!
I honestly feel like you wrote this post for me. I think you and I are much more alike than I knew. I eat whatever I want and go to the gym but NEVER push myself! I think I go just to say I went. It's almost like a waste. I feel like now that I'm getting older (you know I'll be 24 soon) I need to get serious! This post was really inspirational. We are only as strong as we allow ourselves to be! So we need to keep on pushing. We can do this! You can do this and you will be a strong, healthy woman! Hang in there Amber, you got this! :)
Hang in there Amber, it sounds like you are doing a great job. Don't let one bad workout get you down. Keep it up and keep updating us on how things are going - good or bad.
Man, that sounds tough!!
So if no "girl" push ups are allowed, what do you do if you can't do a guy one? I can't do a real push up, so I wonder how that would go?
Congrats on being so determined to do better for you!
Way to go on sticking with it! You can definitely do it and the rewards will look and feel so good! It's awesome that you've found something good and challenging and that works, now you just have to keep going. I can't tell you how many classes I've gone to and counted down the minutes till the end, but hey, I made it through!
You go girl! I know you can do it! You just continue to amaze and inspire me....even in meltdown mode or moments of pur emotional hell. No tears at crossfit, doesn't mean you can't cry in the car....lol I hope tomorrow is your day for a little R&R!
You can do it! Push through all the pain and frustration and use it as a tool to make your workouts even better :-) Pretty soon, this'll just be a blip in the past!
I'm so proud of you for even walking into that intimidating place. The things Bran tells me about it, I'm just not sure I'd be able to overcome the competitive environment.
But you are Amber Rozina. Tough, butt kicking, passionate, get everything on your list done, take no lip while doing it, Amber Rozina. So I know you will do it.
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